What have been the current biggest lesson's you've learned?

Some of my most life changing lessons come from my training to become a therapist. Learning about attachment styles was revolutionary for me.

The four attachment styles

1. Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied)

2. Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive)

3. Disorganized (also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant)

4. Secure

   
   

   Read more about attachment styles below ⬇️⬇️

1. Anxious / Preoccupied

Adults with an anxious attachment style tend to have a negative self-view, but a positive view of others. This means that they may view their partner as their literal “better half.” Because someone with this attachment style deems themselves to be less worthy of love in comparison to other people, the thought of living without their partner (or being alone in general) causes high levels of anxiety. In other words, they deeply fear abandonment.

To ease this fear of abandonment, people with the anxious attachment style strongly desire security within relationships, and attention, care, and responsiveness from a partner tends to be the “remedy” for their feelings of anxiety.

On the other hand, the perceived absence of support and intimacy can lead someone with the anxious attachment style to become more clinging and demanding, preoccupied with the relationship, and desperate for reassurance that they are loved.

In a nutshell, people with this attachment style value their relationships highly, but are often hypervigilant towards threats to their security, as well as anxious and worried that their loved one is not as invested in the relationship as they are.

Want to know more about anxious attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic:

• Anxious Attachment in relationships guide

• Anxious Ambivalent Attachment (how anxious attachment develops in childhood)

• Self-regulation tips for anxious attachment (know your triggers and how to manage them)

• Attachment in the workplace

• The superpowers of adults with anxious attachment

2. Avoidant / Dismissive

People with the avoidant/dismissive attachment style tend to have a positive self-view and negative one of others. Consequently, they prefer to foster a high sense of independence and self-sufficiency–especially on an emotional level.

Someone with the avoidant attachment style tends to believe that they don’t have to be in a relationship to feel complete: They do not want to depend on others, have others depend on them, or seek support and approval in social bonds.

Adults with this attachment style generally avoid intimacy or emotional closeness, so may withdraw from a relationship if they feel like the other person is becoming reliant on them in this manner. They also tend to hide or suppress their feelings when faced with a potentially emotion-dense situation, such as conflict.

Want to know more about avoidant attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic:

• Self-regulation tips for avoidant attachment (know your triggers and how to manage them)

• Avoidant attachment and dating

• Avoidant attachment style and relationships

• The superpowers of adults with avoidant attachment

3. Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant

People with the disorganized attachment style tend to vacillate between the traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment depending on their mood and circumstances. For this reason, someone with this attachment style tends to show confusing and ambiguous behaviors in their social bonds.

For adults with disorganized attachment, the partner and the relationship themselves are often the source of both desire and fear. On the one hand, fearful-avoidant people do want intimacy and closeness, but on the other hand, experience troubles trusting and depending on others.

People with this attachment style often struggle with identifying and regulating their emotions and tend to avoid strong emotional attachment due to their intense fear of getting hurt.

Want to know more about disorganized attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic:

• Fearful-Avoidant Attachment (how disorganized attachment develops in childhood)

• Self-regulation tips for adults with disorganized attachment

• Attachment in the bedroom

• Attachment in the workplace

• The superpowers of disorganized attachment

4. Secure Attachment

The three attachment styles covered so far (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) are insecure attachment styles, so they are characterized by difficulties with cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships.

In contrast, the secure attachment style implies that a person is comfortable expressing emotions openly. Therefore, adults with a secure attachment style can depend on their partners and, in turn, let their partners rely on them.

Relationships with someone with a secure attachment style are based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness. Although someone with this attachment style often thrives in their relationships, they also don’t fear being on their own. Secure attachers tend to have a positive view of themselves and others, so they do not overly seek external approval or validation–they can successfully identify and regulate their emotions, and even help a partner do so with theirs.

Want to know more about secure attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic:

• Secure Attachment in childhood (the five conditions required)

• Attachment in the bedroom

• Attachment in the workplace